You See People Pleasing. Now What Do You Do With That?

If you caught Part 1 of this series and it has been sitting with you, that is okay. I went through this too. And honestly, I did not even know I was people pleasing until after it broke off. It was not until I started reading the Word of God constantly that I could even look back and see what it was.

The Word does not just give you historical information. It transforms you. It takes things off of you that you did not even know you were carrying. And that is what happened for me.

So if you are just now seeing it in yourself, you are not alone many things fell off of me that I was carrying for years.

Knowing It and Breaking Free Are Two Different Things

You can be a people pleaser for years, call it “team player” and keep kicking it down the road. I did. (I was in denial but I knew)...I actually fought it. I told myself I was passionate, I was a team player, they knew how hard I worked. And then I turned right around and made excuses for the people using me and for why I kept overextending myself.

The problem was never just the behavior. The problem was what I believed underneath it. And that is what had to get uprooted.

The Two Scriptures That Confronted Me

Galatians 1:10. Paul asks it flat out. Am I trying to win the approval of people or of God? Because if I were still trying to please people I would not be a servant of Christ.

There is no soft landing in that verse. You cannot do both.

Then Proverbs 29:25. "Fear of man will prove to be a snare." .... Not a stumble. A snare. Something designed to trap you and keep you right there.

When I saw those two side by side people pleasing stopped feeling like a bad habit I needed to manage and started feeling like something I needed to repent from. That is a different posture. And it leads to a completely different outcome.

What Breaking Free Actually Looked Like for Me

I kept hearing this in my heart over and over. Stop believing their words and start believing their actions.

That is where the people pleasing was still showing up. I did not want to hurt anyone's feelings. I wanted harmony even when someone was clearly not doing what they said they would do. Last year that had to change. Because I had to ask myself, how am I stewarding what God gave me if I am still people pleasing around people who lied to me?

Here is what that practically looked like for me in three parts.

First, pausing before I begin. For me that pause is prayer before every meeting. I ask the Lord to come in and guide me. I ask how he wants this to go. That prayer is the pause.

Second, getting comfortable with disappointing people. When you have been the person who makes everything easy for everyone, saying no feels like a personality change. It is not. It is alignment. And if you offend someone because you spoke HIS truth, that is between them and the Lord.

Third, replacing approval seeking with accountability to the actual assignment. What did God put in your hands to build? That became my filter. If a yes does not serve that it is a no. Not a cold no. Just a grounded one.

What the Other Side Actually Feels Like

Breaking free did not make me cold. It made me more honest. With myself and with the people around me.

My decisions got cleaner. My work got cleaner. I stopped over explaining everything. I stopped shrinking in rooms where I had already earned my seat. I let the Lord speak for me instead of constantly proving myself.

I started serving from fullness instead of from the need to be liked or seen. And once you feel that difference you do not want to go back. You just don't.

If Part 1 was the mirror, this is the road. You have seen it. Now you walk differently.

And if you are still figuring out what you are even supposed to be building, go grab the free Encouragement Series at candicedmadrid.com/encourage. That is where we start from the ground up. New episodes drop every Monday. Share this with someone who needs it.